The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men